Small Changes
by Liya249
Summary: Bellarke. What if Bellamy and Clarke had a moment before Primfaya, a very good moment that has a suprising consequence. Could this consequence alter the events of season five. Bellarke baby fic.
1. I need you

**Okay I know I have three writing in progresses but this idea has been bouncing around in my mind for about a year. There is obviously something between Bellamy and Clarke and I just don't believe nothing has happened yet, and if you've read the books you know that bellarke is ****endgame.**

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Clarke

'If I'm on that list your on that list' Bellamy's deep voice rang through my head.

100 people, only 100 people can be saved from primfaya, the burning blistering radiation the will wipe out all life. We've all tried so hard to survive, first from the grounders, then the mountain men and ALIE, and now primfaya, when will the fight ever end.

I stare down at the list, it's always that damnable number - 100. 100 kids sent down to die, 100 people to send back up to the cold, empty vastness of space.

My name, in Bellamy's surprisingly neat handwriting glares up at me, I'm taking somebody else's place, they don't need another leader, they have Bellamy, Kane and my mother. Yet Bellamy's warning rings through my head 'If I'm on that list your on that list', is it so selfish to want to believe Bellamy's threat, to want to survive? .

Bellamy - he deserves to survive, at first he was troublesome but he's changed, he's a survivor - a caring and passionate leader, he inspires people, he inspires me. My stomach flutters, there's no denying that he is an attractive man, I know it, he knows it and so does anyone with eyes. A small part of me, no matter how hard I'd deny if accused, does have a crush on him, he's brave and protective and he understands the weight I carry - the weight of being a killer, a murderer and a leader.

Yet that fluttering brings forward the pain I'm so desperately trying to keep at bay - Lexa. I loved her. Now she's dead, just like Finn. Maybe Octavia was right, when I'm in-charge people die, tears well in my eyes as the pain pushes past my well built walls, I stumble through the empty halls of the Ark, everyone is hard at work rebuilding alpha station.

Wells. Charlotte. Finn. Lexa. They're just those who I knew personally, so many are dead because of me, the guilt is overwhelming and all consuming.

Walking thoughtlessly I end up outside Bellamy's room, he understands the pain, the guilt - he's made mistakes too, one's that have killed and cause pain.

I don't remember knocking at the door or Bellamy answering, but I sit there gripping his shirt so tightly the my knuckles are white, I cry and babble, it doesn't make sense but somehow he understands, he always does.

"C'mon princess" he says as he sits me on the bed rubbing my back in soothing motions, "I know, I know" he repeats, I look up at him through my tears, his eyes are red rimmed, he's been crying too - even though he is and acts so strong, Bellamy is no different to any other human, he feels the pain, he cries but he holds himself together for the others, he's strong so they don't have to be, _we __bear it so they don't have to,_ together.

My co-leader, my friend, I _need _him, he _needs _me. But now I need him now more than ever before, we hold lives in our hands, were responsible for deciding and we bear the consequences.

I'm curled against him, practically in his lap, a stray thought slips through my head, a dangerous yet not outrageous thought. "I need you" I whisper to him, "I need you too" he whispers back, he doesn't understand, maybe I should leave it at that, but i can't help but look him in the eyes and repeat "I _need _you" comprehension flickers through his eyes as he finally understands what I mean, his cheeks redden and his breath becomes shallow, maybe I've ruined our perfectly constructed partnership. I'm about to stand to leave, embarrassment coursing through my veins, but then he grips my chin gently and says "I _need _you".

Relief washes over me as he swoops forward, placing a tentative kiss upon my lips, his lips are warm and strong, just like him, they leave my lips tingling. He kisses me again, more sure and confident, it's not love, not yet, but it's trust and comfort and desire.

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**Sooooo, first chapter. I think you can guess where the rest of the chapter goes, I don't write smut, i don't think i could so use your imagination. This chapter is probably going to be the shortest one but don't hold me to that, I'll try to update when I can but I am quite busy at the moment.**

**Love Liya xx**


	2. Radio Calls

**So the rest of season fours event are the same except right at the end at the six year time skip, I'm still juggling the idea of not having eligius four arrive on Earth, I really didn't like their plot line.**

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Clarke

Pain. That's what I first feel when I wake, burning, aching, excruciating pain. My head pounds, blood rushing. Black blood. _Nightblood. _

Gasping for air I splutter in shock, I'm alive, the nightblood works. We can survive on Earth, we don't need to wait five years.

But I'm alone, one thousand two hundred people in the bunker beneath the ground - skykru, trikru, azgeda and so on, 100 from each clan. That number again.

Seven, the amount of people in space. Even though I wanted them to go on without me it hurts, I won't see my friends for five years, I won't see Bellamy - we had something building, I could feel it but now we have to wait five years to even see each other.

They don't know I'm alive, they don't know that the nightblood works, not that they could come back to Earth, they would die of radiation before they could even gain the blood. Teetering to a stand I wobble as I make my way towards the food and water stored in Becca's lab, taking a few tentative sips my stomach settles and I take larger gulps, I need to conserve water, I don't know what the outside is like yet - what Primfaya did to the beautiful yet deadly Earth.

Placing the bottle down I make my way toward the room with the radio, I need to get in contact with the others, need to let them know that I am okay, that I don't blame them for leaving me. The communications room is relatively okay, just messy. Objects that once stood against the wall are now strewn all over the room. The radio sits untouched since Bellamy last used it to contact Octavia, It stopped working because of Primfaya but I silently pray it works now, even though I picked up some tricks from Raven and Monty, I don't think I could build a radio.

I pick up the radio remote and close my eyes tight as I switch it on, it makes a crackly sound as it comes to life, it works. I almost laugh in relief, setting it to the right frequency I try the bunker first "Dawn bunker this is Clarke Griffin, I repeat this is Clarke Griffin" the static continues, I wait but there is no answer. I sit for over an hour, every few minutes repeating the same phrase, hoping someone will answer.

The bunker won't answer so it is less likely that the ark ring will but I try anyway, the frequency set I speak "Ark ring this is Clarke Griffin, I repeat this is Clarke Griffin". Hope slowly fades as I get no answer, maybe they can't answer, there comms may be damaged and maybe they can still hear me.

"Bellamy" I speak into the radio "If you can hear me I want you to know that I don't blame you for taking off without me, there wasn't even a chance of me getting back in time, you made the right call and saved them, I'm okay the nightblood works and you'll be back in five years and it'll all be fine. I tried contacting the bunker - no answer but I'll make my way there in a few days once I'm able to, I miss you and remember the head and the heart".

Shutting off the radio I frown, I need to make my way to Polis but first I need sleep and food. Hobbling down to the food storage I make a mental list of what will need in my head, coming to a stop I scan the contents of the boxes, there's crackers, dried salted meat, some packets of nutrition paste and a few bottles of water. I pick up a nutrition paste pack and dig in, it's flavourless and thick but it'll keep me alive, after finishing the paste and washing it down with a few more gulps of water, I grab a dusty blanket and go back to the radio room to sleep on the uncomfortable looking couch.

Sleep is uneasy and restless, I keep wondering about the others, was I too late at moving the satellite, did they make it? Are they all okay, did they hear me?

My mom must think I'm up in space right now, she has no idea that I didn't make it there. Would there be space for me in the bunker? Would Octavia let me in?

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**So we didn't get to see all of Clarke's radio messages to Bellamy in season 5, we just know that she called him for 2199 days, so do you guys want me write up some radio calls of what I think would happen in between the ones we do see? **


	3. Mourning

**I need to update other stories but I can't help myself.**

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Bellamy

Looking down at the blazing, barren Earth I think of when we first landed there, how I saw Octavia after months, the first time I saw my princess - Clarke. Tears pool in my eyes as I think of Clarke, she sacrificed herself to save us and now she's gone.

My brave, selfless princess always doing things for others, saving everyone and sacrificing her own humanity and happiness - bearing it so they don't have to. She killed Finn to save him, yet took all the hate from Raven for doing so, she injected herself with the nightblood so Emori wouldn't have to die in the radiation chamber, she gave up her protective suit when Emori's was torn - even though we didn't know if the nightblood worked.

And now she's gone.

I can see my sister again in five years, my friends but not Clarke, tears escape my eyes as I recall the first time Clarke said she needed me, Dax had just tried to kill us and Clarke had tried to save me all while we were high on hallucinogenic berries. She said she needed me, she said _if you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you. _My brave princess always seeing the good in people.

I think I loved her, but the only love I was familiar with was familial love from Octavia and my mother, but this was different. When she spoke of Finn or Lexa my chest ached, when she cried I yearned to cheer her up, stop her tears and when she said those words I felt unexplainable joy _I need you_.

I won't ever get to tell her how I feel about her, I won't ever get to hold her again or kiss her, she's gone.

I don't know how long I sit at the window, not until Raven walks up to me and says "I miss her too". I look up at her and shake my head "I loved her" I announce my voice raspy and hoarse. Surprise flickers across her dark eyes before she replies "I know, I just didn't think you'd admit it to yourself". I roll my eyes, of course everyone knew about my feelings before I did.

"C'mon I need help with trying to fix the comms, your the only other person apart from Monty that knows much about technology and Monty's busy with his algae" Raven says while dragging me to my feet, I follow silently, still reeling from my recent discovery of my feelings.

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Octavia

After Primfaya hit the whole bunker was in mourning, their families and friends gone, I just hope Bellamy and the others got to the Ark ring safely, we tried contacting them but we only got radio silence.

It's been a day, yet it feels like a lifetime since I've seen my brother, I am the leader of Wonkru, Osleya they call me _champion. _But I am not a leader, never have been, it was always Bell and Clarke or Abby or even Kane, not me.

I was the girl under the floor, a part of the 100, the girl with no clan, skyripa and now Osleya, leader of Wonkru.

Miller is in the radio room, mourning the death of his father by trying to get in contact with the others, Kane is with him. Abby is tending to the wounded and the people are getting settled, finding their rooms and getting their supplies.

I have nothing to do, leaders make decisions, but what decisions can be made here.

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Kane

Miller sits at the chair, systematically changing the frequency to contact the Ark ring, we lost contact while they were still in Becca's lab, we don't even know if they made it to the ring or they even left Earth in time.

The radio crackles between frequencies, only empty disappointing hums answer us.

Every few minutes we change the frequency until number six on the third time round, there's a faint voice, it could have easily been missed the first and second time. "Try to make it clearer" I demand, hope blooming in my chest Miller quickly turns a few buttons until a voice clearly rings "Dawn Bunker this is Clarke Griffin, I repeat this is Clarke Griffin". They're alive, they made it, I have to tell Abby, I have to tell Octavia.

"Try to contact her, ask about the others, I'll be back" I say as I rush towards the sleeping quarters, looking for Abby or Octavia or both, they're both concerned about the others arrival on the ark.

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**During season six I was really pissed that they all blamed Clarke for the mistakes she made while saving them everyone makes mistakes and Clarke has always been willing to sacrifice herself to save others, yet gets no appreciation** **she ****deserves happiness. **

**Poor Octavia has no idea of the hard decisions coming up, I hated bloodreina but I understood how Octavia came to be her, I'm still debating if she should become her.**

**Sorry that this ones shorter than the rest, it's a bit of a filler chapter.**

**Love Liya xx**


	4. Conversations

**Happy new year my loves.****I'm so sorry for the wait, I've been incredibly busy lately and I know it's a bad reason but I haven't had the heart to write, hopefully this**** year I'll update more often.****Thank you all for the reviews, follows and favourites, it makes me so happy, you keep me writing xx.**

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Abby

"Dawn bunker this is Clarke Griffin, I repeat this is Clarke Griffin" My daughters voice rings clearly throught the room.

It's on a loop, she's either continuously speaking or the message is stuck. We can't contact her, she can't hear us, but she is alive they made it to space. I see the relief on Octavia's face, her brother is safe, they are all safe. We won't see them for years but they are alive.

Its been a day since primfaya, all the clans have been settled and are now mourning the loss of their friends and family, many were lost. Miller looks distraught over the fact that his father gave his place up for him, I would've done the same for Clarke if they hadn't needed both of us, I dread to think of the years we'll be separated for.

Marcus frantically twirls the buttons in hope of contacting the others, even though we know they're alive we don't know what conditions they are in, they could be injured and Clarke could need help in treating them.

Hope fades slowly as time goes on, maybe we can't contact them, they're all alone.

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Clarke

My sore body protests as I sit up, pain radiated from my chest, breathing is difficult until I wake fully, the nightmare subsides as I blink slowly. I'm alive. In Becca's lab. Alone.

Bellamy and the others are in space, my mother, Octavia and the clans are in the bunker. I tried contacting them but no answer, they could be dead.

Rolling off the uncomfortable sofa I stand and stumble towards my meager rations, thick nutritious paste it is, I sigh as I rip open the packet.

I can't tell how long I've been asleep but judging by the dryness of my throat I can guess it was longer than a day, sipping the water I make my way back to the radio room.

Flipping it on, I pick up the receiver, static fills the air, an empty void, clicking the button I start to say "Dawn bunker this is Clarke Griffin, can you hear me, over" nothingness answers me, the same as the last time. I repeat the line a few more times before giving up and reaching for the dial to set it to the ark frequency.

"Clar... hear... ar... okay?" my mothers voice crackles through the radio. Exhilaration bubbles up inside me, they're alive, my mom is alive, they made it, the bunker works.

"Mom, mom I can hear you, are you okay? How is everyone? How's Octavia?"

Voices crackle in but no proper words form, they can hear me but I can't hear them, I can speak to them, I'm not alone.

I breathe in and prepare to tell them that I'm still on Earth that the nightblood serum works, they will be able to come out of the bunker but we won't be able to see Bellamy and the others for at least five years.

"Mom, I'm not in space the nightblood works, the others... the others needed to leave, Octavia I'm sorry, Bellamy's in space I can't get contact but I know they are alive." I clear my throat and carry on "I'm in Becca's lab but I'll make my way to Polis soon, we can replicate my nightblood. I don't know what the surface looks like yet but there must be something. I'll try contacting the ark again, I love you mom, take care."

Sighing I close my eyes, I'm not alone I can wait for Bellamy, I just need to get in contact with him.

I twirl the dial to the ark frequency, mentally preparing what to say." Ark station this is Clarke Griffin, do you copy over" as expected there is no answer but I wait, the bunker took time so I'll give Bellamy a chance.

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Bellamy

After hours spent on trying to fix the comms Raven finally says we're done, no more can be done to fix them as we don't have spare parts lying around.

I hold my breath as I flip on the radio static blares from the speakers, setting it to what I remember as the bunker frequency I speak "Dawn bunker this is Bellamy Blake, come in over" almost immediately cracked garbled speech replies, I don't know who it is but it is a relief they are alive, Octavia is safe.

Even though the pain of losing Clarke is fresh I am relieved to know that my sister is alive, she can do this, she can lead the people of the bunker and help them survive.

"Dawn bunker? O are you okay, is everyone safe?" I ask, more incoherent speech answers me. I decide to carry on as they can't answer me "Octavia, Clarke... Clarke's dead, she didn't make it, we waited for her but primfaya hit, there was no time. Tell Abby... tell her I'm sorry." A sob escapes me as the pain hits me once more, "I... I loved her O, I loved her and never told her" I wipe my tears when I see Monty at the door, clearing my throat I say "I'll speak again soon, hopefully your radio will be fixed then, I love you O."

Monty awkwardly coughs and says "I've got the algae running, wanna try the first batch? " I smile and answer "Sure".

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Clarke

"I'm here I'm alive!" I scream into the radio, but he doesn't hear me. Tears flow freely from my eyes, he thinks I'm dead, he doesn't know that I'm alive.

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**Okay so let me explain the way the communication goes, the ark can talk to Clarke but the don't know it's Clarke, they think its the bunker because Clarke can't speak to them and the bunker and Clarke can talk to each other but the bunker can't get in contact with the ark, dies that make sense.****Anyway this year I hope to update at least one of my stories per week. ****Love you all Liya xx**


	5. Leadership

**Thank you for your reviews, follows and faves, honestly keeps me going. I love you guys, your so sweet.**

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Clarke

He thinks I'm dead, he doesn't know I'm here. That thought spins around my head, taunting me, I feel nauseous, speeding towards the bathroom I scrabble for the toilet lid and retch violently, the radiation causing thick black blood to make its way up my throat.

My head pounds, I need to recover before making my way towards polis and I need to go soon, my rations are quickly dwindling. One more day I decide, one day to recover until I have to make my way towards the bunker.

I stand on shaky legs, gripping the broken sink tightly, the mirror above the sink is cracked and dirty, I lift up my arm and use the dirty soaked shirt sleeve to wipe at it, my face appears looking utterly broken, scars and radiation burns litter my face, my hair is lank and sweaty and my eyes look exhausted. My lips quiver, as my legs give in and I fall to the ground, I'm afraid, so afraid, afraid of what waits outside, afraid that Bellamy believes I'm dead and that I'm all alone. Tears stream down my face, my breath quickens, I'm hyperventilating.

* * *

I don't know how long I sit on the floor for but my breathing is now even, my legs and behind are numb and I'm freezing. I get up slowly and make my way towards the sofa, slipping down onto it, hunger niggles at the back of my brain but I can't bring myself to get up, my eyes droop as I let the darkness wash over me.

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Octavia

Clarke's not in space which means Bellamy may not be alive, he could be dead, suffocating in the empty, dark void of space. My heart aches, my only family left could be lost forever, I will be left alone to lead when I was never meant to, Bell is the leader, he can thrive in a situation like this, I can't live up to that, I can't help these people.

The grounders won't follow Abby or Kane, they're sky people, skikru, outsiders, they won't understand their ways or how to make them listen. The weight of responsibility lies heavy, Clarke's phrase rings through my thoughts _'I bear it so they don't have to'_. Guilt blooms in my chest, I thought it was so easy I thought they could do better but now I understand the pressure of all these people relying on me. I wish Bellamy was here.

As I walk down the corridor I hear shouting in trigedasleng and english, all the clans don't get along, Azgeda are ruthless, trikru are stubborn and skikru are outsiders, even though I announced us as being wonkru, all of us united they still argue, there is still mistrust.

I hurry towards the ruckus taking a sharp turn I see the problem immediately, they're fighting over supplies and living quarters. I narrow my eyes as I imitate Bellamy's tone "_Yu laik Wonkru osir hogeda laik_, we are all wonkru". They look ashamed, I carry on in english, "We live together, we share and we don't fight, you are wonkru or the enemy of wonkru" they are silent. A hand touches my shoulder, I almost recoil violently but I try to remain indifferent, Kane speaks "We can all survive but we need to share, we need to get along".

Some former grounders sneer in distaste but a sharp look from ne makes them lower their heads, they may fear me but they don't fully respect me even though I killed for them to live, I killed Illian and so many more, I have so much blood on my hands. I vaguely hear Indra and Kane speaking to the people who were fighting as I think of all the blood I've spilt, all the people I've killed in the blinding rage that clouded me ever since Lincoln died.

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Abby

I make my way to the bunker office, hoping desperately to hear Clarke's voice, to confirm she is alive and that it wasn't a desperate mothers dream. The room is silent, Miller is resting on an armchair, he's been up all night waiting for the ark to respond, they haven't and Octavia must be devastated.

Picking up the receiver I stare at it, Clarke can't properly hear us and it'll take a while to sort everone out and find a half decent mechanic.

A sudden unlikely thought appears, radios flicker between static and silence when trying to speak, what if we use it as morse code until we can get someone to fix the radio. I drop the receiver as I rush to find Marcus, he took Earth skills, he should at least remember some morse code and I know my daughter would know it, Pike always boasted about her skills in school, about her being his best student.

Marcus is talking to a group of people with Indra at his side, Octavia is stood behind them, she looks confused and heartbroken, walking up to her I place a hand on her shoulder, she flinches as her eyes focus "Don't show weakness infront of them" I whisper "If you show weakness they'll rebel and we'd have no order". Her eyes harden as she puts a mask up, nodding curtly at me.

Smiling at her briefly, I then turn to Marcus after he's finished speaking, I then tell him my idea, he says it may work.

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**This story is kind of taking up all my attention compared to the others, I just like the plan I have in mind and want to get to it as soon as possible. As you can guess by this chapter Clarke and the bunker can't communicate yet, but they will, it'll just take some time.****Love you all** **Liya xx**


	6. Polis

**Hello, so I'm going to try some other point of views and see how it goes.**

**Also after rewatching the first episode of season five I realised Clarke left Becca's lab fourty two days after Primfaya, I have already written it for about ten days after but I'm going to pretend it's fourty two for the sake of accuracy. **

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Raven

Bellamy is spiralling, he tries to hide it but we can all clearly see the pain he's in. Almost everyone knew something was happening between him and Clarke, it was blindingly obvious to anyone but them.

Losing Clarke hurt us all, even Murphy, Emori and Echo, she's changed all our lives, saved all our lives and died in doing so. I remember the first time I met her, we were so young and untainted by the horrors of Earth, I was excited to see her, Abby's daughter. Then Finn happened and we drifted but only after Finn's death we got along properly, after his death I came to see her as a friend, and now she's gone.

Murphy and Emori keep to themselves, I think they're still worried they're expendable due to the radiation chamber nightblood incident, Echo is silent probably still in awe of space, she'll get over it soon and become fed up of the blank star filled void.

Monty, Harper and myself are the only ones actively carrying on, the algae is running but after trying the first batch and very nearly going into a coma Bellamy has decided that it isn't ready and Monty needs to get it sorted and soon because it's our only food source.

After fixing the comms as much as I can, I've started to look for ways to travel back to Earth in five years it's early but it is better to have a plan now in case complications come up. Our original idea of landing in water may not work as Primfaya has obliterated any water source as far as we can see.

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Clarke

Packing all the rations I have left I double check I have all I need, I stripped the radio down and used what limited knowledge Raven passed on to try and build a portable one, it looks worn down but it works, I received more garbled speech from the bunker and then some morse code, my mother is okay and everyone's settling, Octavia's struggling but that's to be expected, she's never had that responsibility before, she's always had Bellamy's support.

Standing I take a deep breath, this is the first time I'll see the outside after Primfaya, I'll see the damage done to the once beautiful Earth.

I slowly climb the stairs towards the doors, I barely remember pushing through them after Primfaya hit. Pulling on the doors, they creak open with a loud groan. Rubble topples into the lab the small overbuilding is in pieces, I push at the large stone slabs squirming through the gap and pulling my rucksack out behind me.

Light. Blinding, glares of light shine down on the now barren Earth, as far as I can see there is sand, dull yellow sand. The water is gone, the green of the trees and grass is gone and there are no clouds. It's a desert, empty and strikingly hot.

I pull out the map we made in Arkadia and judging by the direction the sun is rising I determine north. Looking at the map I sigh "At least I don't know swim" I mutter to myself. Hoisting my rucksack up I nod determinedly to myself "l got this"

* * *

After hours of walking my feet start to drag as I come across partially buried pillars, stumbling down I retrieve the small shovel from my pack and start to dig, three shovels in I hit something, it lets out a dull metallic bang, furrowing my brows I hit it again and scrape away the sand, determined I start burrowing my hand into it, the object feels cylindrical, brushing the sand aside glee fills me, it's the rover, the solar powered rover.

Digging takes more than an hour but its worth it the rover is a blessing that is much needed, its still charged up from before Primfaya and purrs to life when I start it. I almost laugh in joy.

The ride to Polis is mostly uneventful except the sandstorm I spotted, but that's to be expected when I'm the only one here.

Pulling up I stare at the once bustling city reduced to rubble, I quickly get out and run towards the rock pile, squeezing through the small gaps I see the commanders tower has toppled over and the debris is covering the entrance to the bunker.

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Abby

Clarke radio'd in this morning, she's on her way to Polis, it'll take a couple of days but my daughter is coming, she told us that the Ark contacted her but she couldn't reply to them, we still have radio silence from them but Clarke says they think she's us, they think she's dead, my brave reckless determined daughter, always saving others, she's her father's daughter.

I am nothing like her or my late husband, all my life I have looked the other way while innocents died on the Ark, convincing myself that because I was a doctor and I saved some lives that I was good, but I wasn't.

This bunker was given to us, its another chance, a chance to not continue the barbaric lives we once had, no fighting or killing over nothing. An opportunity to live together and rebuild humanity, to not destroy it like everything else we have.

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**I didn't really know how to end this chapter so I left it there, next chapter it gets interesting, the bunker knowing Clarke's coming changes some things but it's relatively similar to season five for now. ****Love you all Liya xx**


	7. Defeat

**I struggled with the start of this one, I didn't really want to describe moving rocks but I had to :(**

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Clarke

Moving the rubble to locate the entrance of the bunker takes hours, the remains of the commanders tower had toppled onto the entrance, it will take days maybe even weeks to move it all by myself, there's no way the people in the bunker can help, not with them all inside, maybe it's clearer on their end.

I move the smaller rocks aside, exhaustion washes over me, I feel dizzy. Even the smallest tasks make me easily fatigued, the radiation is really taking a toll on me.

Sitting by the rover and leaning on a small pile of rocks I reach for the radio, switching it on I speak "Mom, are you there" it takes ten minutes before I get an answer, _Yes _is the reply in morse code, I continue "I found the rover and I'm in Polis, I've tried to move some rocks but the radiation effects still haven't healed, I can't do much yet, I'll wait till morning before trying, could you try from your end?" _Radio when _is the reply "Okay, hopefully I'll see you tomorrow"

Hoisting myself up I climb into the back of the rover, it's flat and hard but I have no where else to sleep as I don't really fancy the thought of sitting and sleeping, not after the time I woke up and my neck was in pain.

I settle down and wait, soon Bellamy's daily radio call will come in, even though he can't hear me yet I still speak like he can, it hurts people you love thinking that your gone, hearing the pain in the voice.

The radio crackles and I sit up immediately, reaching for it I listen intently, it's not Bellamy though, it's Monty "Hi, uh Octavia... I'm talking instead of Bellamy because he's kinda sick..." Worry gnaws at me, how is he sick, is it delayed radiation poisoning, was he injured, is it lethal. "I got the algae formula wrong, it didn't go down well, he was the first to try it and now he's resting, it's fine though, he's fine just out of it, so uh bye I guess, we'll speak soon?"

Monty is so wonderfully awkward, knowing Bellamy is okay fills me with relief.

I guess I was more tired than I thought as I start drifting off almost as soon as the call ends.

* * *

Waking to the harsh light of the glaring sun I get up, I've rested It's time to start working.

Grabbing the last nutrition paste I finish it, I've only got stale crackers and a small portion of salted meat left, I need to get into the bunker by the end of the week or I'll have nothing left.

Determined I set to clearing a path so I don't have to balance across uneven ground to move rocks.

* * *

Hours later and I no closer to the entrance, I found a small slip of space where I can fit, it'll make it easier to move the rocks further along.

If anyone else was here they would see the annoyance clear on my face, it's taking too long I just want to see my mother, frustrated tears slip down my face as I tug at a rock will all I have, I loose my footing and slip, toppling back I grab onto something, its smooth and round, I look and can't stop the tears. It's a part of Lexa's throne, one of the wooden branches.

Determination renewed I start forcing against the rocks, I should really radio my mom and tell the to check if they're blocked but I can't stop, I'm so close.

I don't notice the rumbling, too caught up in my task, not until small rocks start falling, I gasp and turn scrambling to get out, I trip on some rocks and tumble out, turning and watch in disbelief as all my hard work is ruined.

I did this I ruined my chance of survival by being too stubborn.

Now I'm alone for good and have only a few days worth of food. I am going to die.

Defeat. I can't grasp it yet but anger fills me, I've essentially killed myself. Getting up I tug in my hair, my singed, ruined hair. A scream escapes me and I kick out angrily, a cracking sound stops me as horror fills my veins. No.

I broke the radio.

I broke the radio.

The only way I can talk to my family. The only way of staying sane.

The world goes dark.

* * *

Opening my blearily eyes I am met by darkness, I fainted.

I'm freezing, shaking uncontrollably. Rushing into the rover I start it, turning the heat up, it wastes batter but I'm more concerned of my survival right now.

Looking back at the rock pile I sigh, I'm not getting into the bunker, there's no way, not by myself.

After warming up I start to pack up, I need to find somewhere livable. Somewhere I can wait until Bellamy and the others come down and help me free the people of the bunker.

Taking one last sorrow filled look, I set off.

I drive towards where Arkadia was hoping they're some salvageable things there that I can use to fix the radio I so stupidly kicked.

* * *

Arkadia is a ghost town, the barriers and sign now lay waste, some parts of alpha station have been dragged away and now only a shell of our former home remains.

I shuffle towards the would be mess hall, metal cups lie strewn everywhere but what makes me start is the bodies, well remains, the flesh was all melted away, skeletons remain.

Carefully avoiding stepping on the once people I reach the window, the one that almost everyone in the Ark used to gaze down at Earth and wonder what life there would be like, now we know, and now some of us wish we never knew.

Stepping back I know something, it lest out a loud metallic thunk, I turn and puck it up, it's a box and it's locked. Taking it back to the rover I try to pry it open, it's stuck, I need tools. Tools that I can find in Raven's old workshop.

* * *

**I had to force this chapter out, its a filler between whats gonna happen next and it was torture to write, I'm so sorry if it's terrible.****Love Liya xx. **


	8. The Valley

**Trigger warning, character contemplates suicide.**

* * *

Its been days, almost a week since heading off from the bunker, I'm out of food and only have a little water left.

There's nothing out here, I radioed mom this morning, there was no reply so my radio must still be broken, Raven's tools sit at the back of the rover, I'll try fixing it again soon.

My body shudders, after days of continuous driving I'm exhausted, the radiation effects still haven't healed, they should have, Luna's did but then again she was born a nightblood, mine is artificial.

Streaking past the emptiness of the once full Earth, the rover groans, surviving Primfaya must have taken a toll on it, it also needs charging. I stop and reach for my water bottle, there's only a few sips, I drink it.

Getting out I lift up the solar panels, luckily there's no obstruction of the sun, it'll charge quick.

The heat is overwhelming, I look forlornly at my now empty water bottle, I need to find somewhere with water, there must be someplace I don't believe the whole Earth is barren.

The back of the rover looks enticing, I'm so tired and dehydrated, I'll rest for a while.

* * *

After waking to find it raining, I was over joyed, I collected as much as I possibly could and drank maybe just as much, it gave me hope.

I drive faster focused on finding somewhere livable, passing bare trees and dry cracked earth as I go.

Splat. Something flies into the windshield, furrowing my brow I stop and get out, it's green, climbing up the side of the rover I scrape it off, its a bug. Wildlife could mean somewhere to live, I stare at the bug in defeat, I haven't eaten in days and bugs have lots of protein.

Grimacing I bring it to my mouth and eat, it's slimy, I almost vomit but I hold it down, there are more on the grate, choking them down I lean forward, my stomach doesn't agree with the bugs.

A rumbling sound catches my attention, I look up and dread fills me, it's a sandstorm, probably the one I saw on the way to polis. It is bigger and it crackles, rushing back into the rover I pull on the shawl over my face and put on Jasper's goggles, I need to take down the solar panels quick, otherwise the rover will be useless.

Stumbling out again I pry a panel off but the wind is too strong, it carries the panel away.

I wait out the sandstorm in the rover, it takes hours, I think it's the next day when it finally stops. Stepping out I'm almost afraid to see the damage, the solar panels are dead, all are cracked and broken, there's no way I could fix them, by foot it is.

* * *

Three days, that's how much longer I lasted, no food, no water and no drive left, I give up.

I lay on the ground for hours, I passed out, my body aches and I feel a persistent stabbing at my arm, turning towards it I scream, barely any sound escapes me but the vulture is scared away by my movements.

A vulture.

Alive and well.

It must have a home, scrambling up I slip on the sand, crawling to a run I chase the animal demanding it take me to its home.

Grasping at jagged rocks on a sand dune, I drag myself up. Hope fades as I see what lies over the hill. Nothing.

Falling back down the dune, anger courses through me, I scream, louder than I think I could.

Hands shaking I reach for my gun, no point in suffering more if I'm going to reach the same end right. I've lost everyone, they can't reach me and I can't reach them, at least if they ever find my body they'll know I didn't suffer.

My finger hovers over the trigger, this is it, all those times fighting for survival, none of them killing me and this is how it ends.

Cawing of the vulture stops me, it floats overhead, it must have a home I insist to myself, with my last burst of energy I push to follow it, mindlessly running.

Spotting another large dune I sigh, if this is it, if there's nothing there, I'm done.

Time slows as I reach the top.

It's not more sand.

Its not empty.

There's trees, green trees, life.

Whispering a thank you to the vulture I raise my gun.

* * *

The vulture was delicious, well anything would be delicious after nearly starving to death, I retrieved my things, the radio still lies broken in my bag, while the staff is clutched tightly in my hands.

I pass flowers, pink, purple and blue, then sounds of water draw me to a lake, I haven't bathed in so long, it looks refreshing.

Stripping almost completely I dive in, I feel free, it's so cold but I barely notice too giddy with excitement, running my hands through my matted hair feels so good.

I rub at my arms and legs feeling the sand that caked itself to my body wash off, skimming my body I freeze.

My stomach is bulged, slightly but it is, I have barely eaten for weeks, I should have lost weight, pressing at my abdomen I know what it is, I'm pregnant.

I'm carrying Bellamy's baby, and I almost killed myself and my unborn child.

* * *

Its refreshing seeing all these trees as I search the area, I saw a sign a while back, it had the Louwoda Kliron Kru symbol etched into it. There must be a village near by, and seeing how the rest of the valley is untouched I'm hoping it is too.

I almost miss it and would have if not for the vibrant coloured ribbons attached to the trees, it's beautiful.

Until I see them, children, whole families, dead. The radiation still affected the valley, sadness washes over me.

Even though I only found out I am pregnant today the sight of the children make me sick, what if I had given up, what if I killed my child.

"Yu gonplei ste odon"

* * *

I settle into the church like building after burning the bodies of the people who once lived in this valley. Hoping to get comfortable as I am now hyper aware of the fact that I am carrying a child, I'm still in shock.

I know its not impossible and the timing fits, that night when we made the list. It seems so long ago.

Grabbing the radio I take it apart, praying that I can fix it, I need to speak to Bellamy or at least my mother, I've had no experience with pregnancy before, I was too inexperienced to understand fully when I started my medical training on the ark and we've not had to deal with any pregnancies on Earth.

I need to tell someone.

* * *

**So she finally knows, but to be fair to her it all could be explained by radiation sickness, anyway it's all going to change now, she's still going to meet Madi but it might be a bit different, I don't think a baby could survive both Primfaya radiation and the trauma from a bear trap accident. Love Liya xx**


	9. Not Alone

**I'm so sorry this is late, I had to travel to London this week and stupidly forgot my laptop so I didn't have any finished chapters, my notes were also left at home :( I promise to try my hardest to get the next chapter out by Wednesday night, love you all.**

* * *

The radio lies disassembled in front of me, Raven always starts from the beginning when she's unsure so I may as well try.

Madi - a young nightblood from the Louwoda Kliron Kru, sits at a distance watching me, she has a look of confusion etched on her face.

I had found her three days ago while searching the forest, she was hiding behind trees and bushes, when I first saw her I was ecstatic that I wasn't alone.

She had attacked me then, not understanding why her clan was dead and I wasn't. Only stopping when I shouted _"Nou, ai baby" _stop, my baby, she had understood trigedasleng but had then cut me and seen my blood, running away quickly.

All her family were dead, she had no one.

The next day I went down to the river, Madi was there fishing, I had tried speaking to her but she ran away again, I left her a drawing hoping that she would see it and understand I wasn't there to hurt her.

After that day she had taken to shadowing me, watching what I did, and yesterday Madi had stopped me from eating poisonous berries, she didn't exactly tell me, she had smacked then out of my hands and growled.

Now she's sat opposite me as I reassemble the radio, screwing the antenna on, it starts to make some noise, hopeful I quickly finish turning it to the ark frequency, scrambling to pick it up and start speaking into the receiver "Ark, come in, this is Clarke Griffin, please be there"...

* * *

Octavia

Its madness, complete and utter madness.

It started when rumbling and crashing was heard above us, we haven't heard from Clarke but Kane tried opening the hatch, we're stuck and there is no way out.

I knew there would be tension between the clans but what happened next I never expected. One of the farmers had come to me to tell me the food would not last for the amount of time and people we had.

When trying to come up with solutions Abby had said forcing an algal bloom for more food would possibly infect the food we already had.

Someone had then overheard, someone from skaikru, they had then taken Abby and Kane and locked themselves into the dinning hall and kitchen, where the farm was. The rest of the bunker is cut off, no food and more than half of the people outside and they were hungry.

Hungry people made desperate people, and desperation can cost lives.

I don't know what to do, I wish I could speak to Bellamy or even Clarke, they would know what to do, they always did.

* * *

Bellamy

Raven had come up with a plan, a crazy and dangerous plan that could actually work, we had just about enough fuel left in Becca's rocket to fly up to some asteroids, Monty had spouted out with something about them being able to be converted into fuel.

The only problem was that we had the shortest window of time to do it, the asteroids would move in less than a day and there was no way to know when the next closest ones would arrive.

Emori was helping Raven repair the navigation inside the rocket, they'd been at it for days, Murphy had taken to sulking in his room and Echo tried to keep out of the way. Monty's algae had improved drastically, while it still tasted awful it didn't put anyone else in a near coma like state, Harper was the first to try the new batch, I wasn't allowed anywhere near it until it was deemed safe.

Once the rocket was fixed Raven and I would travel to the asteroids and tap them, collecting whatever Monty tells us to. We had to be quick, even now they were moving and would soon be out of range.

When we have the fuel all we have to do is wait, less than five years and I can see O again.

We've had silence from the bunker, not even the crackled voice responded, it could be radiation interference - that was what Monty said.

Slipping into my space suit I grab the helmet, it's not in bad shape considering the journey it's been through, and click it into place.

Making my way towards the rocket I pass Murphy's room and call out, "Murphy we're settling off soon, you need to help Harper and Monty close the hatch, oh and wear your suit."

The hatch wasn't made for Becca's rocket so we had to force it open, it needs to be manually closed and the pressure of space will make it difficult so we need everyone to contribute, I stop at Echo's room next and ask her the same.

By the time Raven and I are in the rocket, everyone else is ready to close the hatch, they're all grabbing on to something until the pressure inside is stable enough to close it

I barely hear Raven through the blood pumping in my ears, if we miss I won't ever see my sister again "..9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...and here we go."

We fall for a moment before Raven slowly turns towards the asteroids, we can't waste any of the fuel we do have so we have to be careful.

It's painstakingly slow, about an hour until we reached them, we have lines attaching us to the rocket as we scrape and chip at the asteroids.

By the time we have five small boxes of asteroid bits we've barely made a dent, it takes a long time and we're both exhausted by the time the rocket is forced back into the hatch, Monty's there with a repair kit to temporarily weld the rocket to the ark.

Harper rushes forward and hugs me, I raise my eyebrows in confusion, Monty smiled at me as Raven shares my confusion. I am dragged towards the radio and hope flares up inside me, had O contacted us?

No. That voice isn't O, it's Clarke.

* * *

**I feel so evil leaving it here but cliffhangers leave you wanting more right? ****Love Liya xx**


	10. Hi

Hi guys, just thought I'd check in, the world's a little crazy right now and I know there's panic, I hope you're all okay and you're taking care of yourselves.

Hopefully this'll be over soon and hopefully people recover, if any of you need to talk just PM or email liya24910@gmail . com

Love Liya xx


	11. Regrets

**I have no excuses for being this late with updates :(. **

**So Trigedasleng is a cool language but some words aren't there and I'm going to find it difficult to write what I want and personally when reading fanfictions with a language that has to be explained I get sort of annoyed so if the speech is in italics it'll basically be said in trigedasleng.**

**Updates will be slow for now, I'm having major writers block and work is taking up most of my time, love you all.**

* * *

Bellamy

She's alive, Clarke is alive.

"Clarke" I croak out, gripping the receiver tightly, there's a pause filled with static before her voice drifts through again "Bellamy?" relief floods me, she's alive.

The relief is short lived as worry takes over "Clarke, where are you, did you manage to get to the bunker?" if not she's alone, trapped for five years alone.

"Bellamy, I tried but there was so much rubble covering the hatch I couldn't get to them, they're alive though I had radio contact for a while before- " Clarke rants before cutting off.

My brows furrow as I look to Raven, she starts fiddling with the switches and says "It's not our end, the radio's working".

"Sorry, I'm not alone here, there's a kid she's a nightblood, and she's very interested in the radio, _No _" she explains before cutting off again.

Raven and Harper then chuckle and I look at them confused, Monty then says "That's her mom voice, she used it on us when we were troublesome" Harper nods in agreement.

* * *

Clarke

_"__Madi no" _she doesn't listen, it was only yesterday I learnt her name as it was the first time she spoke to me, she hasn't really spoken since so it suprises me when she pipes up.

_"Where are the voices from?"_, its such an innocent question that the answer doesn't even register, she doesn't know that my friends are trapped in space, she can't possibly imagine the concept of people who came from the sky.

She's looking at me, waiting for an answer, I look back to the radio before speaking _"They are from the sky, I am skaikru and...there are people there"_

"Clarke, you still there?" Bellamy's voice comes through again but I wait even though I desperately want to blurt everything out to him, I need to earn Madi's trust, she is the only other person currently here.

She looks confused before saying _"Why are you not there" _her question floors me, how can I possibly explain what happened to this child, I don't even know if I can recount all the details myself let alone to anyone else.

I tense up as I remember my pregnancy, how could I have been so careless that I forgot, so much has happened since the conception of my child, so much that could have killed it, I injected myself with an experimental nightblood serum, I intended to get into the radiation chamber, I climbed up an unstable radio tower, I had radiation sickness, I grappled at entirely too heavy rocks at Polis, I was dehydrated and starving for days and I almost killed myself.

My mind reels, what if I have killed my child, how can I possibly tell Bellamy, how could I live with myself, I really am the commander of death.

_"Because I am a nightblood" _she looks even more confused but lets it drop.

Taking a shaky breath I swallow and pick up the radio once more, speaking when I press the correct button "Bellamy, I.. I'm okay, how's everyone there?" It's weak, even Madi could probably tell, I just hope the radio makes it sound like interference.

He starts explaining about how he and Raven extracted something that can be converted into fuel from some asteroids and how Monty's first batch of algae nearly put him into a coma, going on to speak about how curious Emori is about everything and how Echo is avoiding everyone.

I barely hear it though, it registers but all I can think about is that I could have killed our child, something so innocent and pure tainted by me, words echo though my head _people die when your in charge, your the only murderer here, wanheda..._

I half heartedly reply to everything he says and when the others speak i do the same, Madi has wondered off and I'm alone, we said our goodbyes and now I sit in silence.

A sob escapes me and I slap a hand over my mouth, I don't want to scare Madi but the thought if losing a child I only just discovered is more painful than anything I have already experienced.

I haven't even told Bellamy how I feel, the budding relationship we had was cut short by our separation and now I'm here with just a child and an unborn baby, a baby that may not inherit the nightblood, a baby that I may have already killed, a baby that I am in no way prepared for, I have never had to deal with a birth, hell I've never even seen one.

I need to get back into contact with the bunker, I need my mom.

* * *

Octavia

Blood drips from my sword as I stand infront of all the people I killed today, _you are wonkru or you are the enemy of wonkru._

If this is what it is to lead I don't know if i can carry on, I don't know how long it's been since I've stopped caring about who I've killed but this, this is different.

Lincoln would never have wanted me to become this, he would've hated Osleya, he would've hated me.

* * *

**So next chapter I want to focus on the bunker and what happens, I'm still debating on bloodreina, I hated that part of Octavia but it was part of her character development, an important one aswell.****Sorry for any mistakes I will come back to them but I really wanted to get this posted.**

**Anyway I hope you are all well and keeping safe in these crazy times.**

**Love you all, Liya**


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